The Worst Football Commentators and Pundits

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Inspired by Phil Neville’s tear-inducing co-commentary of the England match on Saturday night, we decided to draw up a list of the commentators, pundits and general football media types we love to hate (or just hate).

Phil Neville

He had to kick off this list. You have to feel sorry for Phil, his brother was a far superior player, and now, while Gary is on the coaching staff, Phil has to put up with commentating (something his brother can do very well, by the way). Phil was more boring than GCSE Sociology, and about as useful. Please Phil, no more…

Andy Townsend

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“Pass, shoot, it’s a goal, Andy Townsend should be on the dole” – some would say that the Goldie Lookin’ Chain world cup song was spot on, we’d never be so cruel, but will say that every time we hear him on the TV he almost exclusively uses clips of his FIFA 14 commentary. Accredited with commentary gems such as  “In the end, Rosicky initially did well” and “The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden”, you can’t help but wonder how he still seems to commentate on so many games!

Garth Crooks


Adrian Chiles

Recently voted the most error-prone pundit, the Brummie has all the charisma of a ryvita cracker. Has offended a whole nation with a joke about the Polish, offered a fiver to anyone still watching in a Fulham vs Sheff Utd, and bored the pants off of us already at this world cup.

Robbie Savage

“You need to take off your rose-scented glasses” – “Oh, but they smell so good Robbie!” Annoying player and hardly has a soothing, noble voice. As much chance of saying something insightful about the game as my nan, and for that, Savage has to go on the list.

Stan Collymore

Stan has been the subject of much mockery in his time. I’m going to let some of his quotes speak for him on this one:

“Robbie Keane was like the cat that got the cheese.”
“Matt Jarvis was in acres of time”
“…25 teams, 50 games a season.”
“Fernando Torres needs a new leash of life”
“The Bolton back four didn’t have a cat on earth’s chance”

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